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A year later, it's time to forgive, forget disagreement about move
By Amy Dickinson
Tribune Media Services
May 17, 2008
DEAR AMY: Last summer I began dating "Travis," a friend. Soon after, I moved a few hours north for a summer internship. He decided to visit me over a particular weekend. However, he had also made plans to help a mutual female friend of ours move in with her boyfriend on the same weekend.
Travis told her he wanted to visit me and offered to take off work to get her moved a day earlier or to find someone to help them in his place. She refused to consider it. She was not working, so her schedule was flexible.
She had a meltdown and declared they could no longer be friends if he chose me over her. She and one of her friends sent him text messages and e-mails attacking his character, and I received an e-mail berating me for my involvement. I called our mutual friend and explained that Travis and I just wanted to see each other and that we would do whatever we could to make sure she got moved that weekend. She refused and told me that friends do not back out under any circumstances. The intensity of her reaction was very surprising. I tried to keep the dialogue on an adult level, but she was lashing out immaturely.
We are all in our mid-20s! Do you think this is reasonable? Almost a year later she continues to tell people what awful people we are. — Moving Violations
Dear Moving: One problem with toxic text messages and nasty e-mails is that they keep issues alive and in writing for all to see, to refer to and to find upsetting all over again. From here on out, you and "Travis" should ignore this person's attacks. This mutual friend of yours is no longer a friend. She is now a former friend.
Dear Amy: I disagree with your response to "Trying To Keep the Peace," the recently remarried father whose daughter wanted time alone with him. Encouraging unity in a blended family is important, but it should be kept in mind that the 10-year-old daughter has had no say in the changing course of her life. She hasn't had to share her dad with other children for 10 years. Suddenly she is expected to welcome these changes.
Additionally, you did not address the stepmother's apparent jealousy issue. This woman is putting undue stress on her stepdaughter by expecting her to adjust so quickly. — Karen in Modesto
Dear Karen: My answer to "Trying" was to encourage this new stepdad to spend alone time with each of his children, including his stepdaughters. It is natural for children to want alone time with their parents, and parents should make a special effort to do so. As I said in my answer, the stepmother should also make this effort.
Send questions to askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
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